Jashin Bride
by VariegatedMosaic
Summary: Well, I didn't think that travel between worlds was actually possible. And I sure would never have imagined that I would actually have a fiancée from another world. What were our parents thinking? Rated M for language. HidanxOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden people, places, or things.**

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**Chapter 1 - Fiancée?**

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_Ah, what the hell. Shut up you stupid alarm._

I grab my phone and with bleary eyes, look at the screen.

_Where's that stupid 'x'?_

It takes several attempts, but I manage to silence the alarm on my phone.

_Argh._

It is 8 am, and I am not ready for another Monday of wonderful college classes.

_Darn it! Why?!_

I drag my legs so that they hang off the bed and push myself to stand on the floor, expecting the usual feeling of the rug under my feet, but . . .

_What the hell?_

My feet hit something sooner than I expect, and it is warm, and slightly squishy, but firm? I quickly scramble back onto my bed, putting my legs safely back on my bed and look down at the floor, where I see a TOTALLY HOT GUY LYING ON MY FLOOR!

_Why the hell is some smexy guy on my floor?_

I look accusingly at my sleeping roommate, but she's still asleep, and I'm sure that this isn't her friend. If anything, he looks like Hidan, my wonderfully sadistic . . . but he can't possibly be on my floor.

_Must be a dream._

I decide to try to fall back asleep, so I lay my head on the pillow and pull my covers over my bare shoulders.

The next thing I know, I'm being poked by someone.

"Hrrr?" Yes, I know, the most dignified response to someone poking me.

"Hey, Jo, wake up." Ah, my roommate's whispering at me.

"Huh, why? Let me sleep."

"Jo, there's a guy sleeping on the floor."

"WHAT!" I quickly sit up. "I wasn't dreaming that?"

"Jo, is he your friend?"

"Um . . ." I look back at the guy on the floor. Now that I look at him again, he really DOES look like Hidan. But that can't be possible. I look at the time. 9 am.

"Conn, just go to class. I'll figure this out. I know him. Sorry about this."

Connie just nods and goes to leave for her first class. Man, do I feel sorry for her. She has 9 am classes. My first class today doesn't start until noon.

"Bye Conn."

"Bye." She leaves, closing the door.

I just sigh and wonder if I can possibly get onto the floor without stepping on this Hidan-look-a-like. Then I grin. Sometime while I was asleep, my panda pillow pet must have fallen to the floor, because the guy was using it as a pillow. Awww, so cute to see a really dangerous murdering psychopath sleeping with a pillow pet.

_Is it safe to wake him? Ah, what the hell._

I grab my pillow and start prodding the guy's back with it. "Hey, man, you alive down there?"

_His back is so beautiful. His skin looks so smooth!_

"Yo, dude, wake up." The guy doesn't even budge, still sleeping.

_Is he okay?_

I carefully climb over the head of my bed to the chair, then to the floor and make my way over to the guy. I crouch down and put my hand on his shoulder. "Dude, wake up." He still doesn't do anything.

_Is he sick?_

I check his forehead, but he doesn't seem to have a fever. I realize that this is getting even more ridiculous, so I start shaking him more. Still not waking up.

_Argh!_

I start prodding his back with my foot while telling him, "Dude, get the fuck up. I can't deal with this shit first thing in the morning!" Really, pissed at this guy who is definitely dead to the world, I finally just step on his back using my heel and yell, "GET. THE. FUCK. UP!" just to have a hand grab my ankle and throw me to the floor.

"Shut the fuck up!"

_Yay, a response._

"What the fuck was that for, asshole?"

"Fucking stop yelling, bitch!"

_He did not just call me a bitch!_

"Yo, asshole, you are sleeping on MY floor. I suggest you tell me who you are and why you are on my floor before I sic the police on you!"

"For Jashin's sake, bitches should fucking shut up before I fucking kill them." The guy finally sits up and glares at me. "Who the fuck are you, bitch?"

_Did he just say Jashin?_

"Tell me who you are first. You're the one invading my privacy." _And stop calling me a bitch._

"Fuck no, bitch."

We just glare at each other.

_There is no way that this guy is Hidan. That's not possible. This only happens . . . wait._

Glaring, I look his sitting form up and down. Now that I look closely, he really does have a forehead protector around his neck and an Akatsuki cloak around his waist. Plus all that vulgar language.

_No way. Where's his freakin' scythe?_

I then see it on top of my bookcase behind him. My glare becomes a concerned glance at the guy.

_This guy is gonna be sooooooo much trouble._

"Fine, you don't have to tell me who you are because I KNOW who you are. But that doesn't matter at the moment. I want to know why you were sleeping on my floor with my pillow pet."

"Your fucking what?"

I point.

"It was fucking comfortable. Got a fucking problem, bitch?"

"Yeah, you better have not drooled on it in your sleep."

"Like I fucking drool in my sleep, bitch!"

. . .

After an awkward silence, I just sigh.

"Why are we even talking about this?" I smile brightly and stick my hand out to shake. "Hello sunshine, I'm Jo. You must be Hidan. Nice to finally meet you. I'm your fiancée."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto/Naruto Shippuden people, places, or things. I only own Jo, Miranda, Dan, May, Conn, and Kazuki.**

**Oh, and this chapter is probably going to be one of the cleanest chapters (language-wise) in the whole story. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2 - Arranged Marriage**

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_**Back to 13 years ago. . .**_

_Sigh, my life is a wonder._

Spring break, and I'm stuck at home with a babysitter the whole entire week. Though I kinda feel bad for my babysitter. She's got it worse than I do. I mean, she's the one who has to stay behind to watch me for a whole week while her family is in Hawaii. I mean, she probably hates my guts.

"May, I'm going to go check the mail box."

"Okay, Jo, but don't talk to strangers."

"Sure."

_Like there'd be any strangers to talk to in this boring boring neighborhood._

I grab the keys and putting my shoes on, I walk out the door.

_Ah, it feels nice to be outside in the spring._

The air is still cool, and it's sunny. I walk down the driveway to the mailbox.

_La-la-la._

I grab the mail and then make my way back up, but then see a shady guy leaning against the garage door. What makes him shady? Well, he's wearing all black. Black bandana, black face mask, black shirt, black vest, black gloves, black pants, black shoes – everything is black. Except his hair, skin, and his eyes. His hair is that one bright orange-red neon looking color that is my favorite crayon color. His skin is so pale. And his eyes are so pretty. They're like sapphires, all blue and crystal clear. So I do the most reasonable thing.

"Hi. I'm Jo. Who are you?"

"Didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers?"

"Ummmm, no. They said not to go with strangers unless I had proof that they were trustworthy."

The guy smacks his forehead with his hand. "Sheesh, Monica-san and Dan-san sure are trouble."

"Oh, you know Mommy and Daddy!"

"Yes I do. Here, I have a letter from them." He hands me an envelope (that I never saw him getting out) and hands it to me. "I was told that you have to reply to it in the next 4 hours. I'll be back then to pick up your-"

"Wait!" I grab onto his hand and pull with all my 6-year-old might. "You should stay. I'm bored."

"Uh, okay."

I drag the guy through the front door, yelling at May somewhere in the house, "May, I'm back. I'm gonna be talking to my friend in my room, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be in the backyard if you need anything." Part of the babysitting job is to do basic gardening/weeding in the backyard. She must be getting paid so much to do all of this.

I make the guy take his shoes off, then drag him to my room, where I tell him to sit on the bed and to stay. Then I go to the kitchen, find a tray and put two cups of water on it, grab a container of cut pineapple from the fridge, some forks, and carry everything to my room. The guy is still sitting there, so I put the tray on my bed and climb up.

"Here." I hand him a cup and a fork. "So, what's your name?"

"Uh, Kazuki."

"Ooooh, you must be Japanese. Your English is pretty good. Be my friend."

"Well, uh, sure."

"Okay, my new friend Kazuki, help yourself while I read the letter."

I take the envelope and open it to find a letter and a couple pictures. I look at one to find my parents surrounded by a bunch of others all smiling at the camera. The other is of a boy who looks a little older than me, with surprisingly silver hair. Huh.

Taking the letter, I read:

_Dear Jo,_

_I hope you are doing well. Your father and I have this time gone back to a Japanese-style world, where there are ninjas and kimonos, and tea ceremonies. It really is beautiful. We have met with former friends and made magnificent friends here that are both like us and are normal people. The one who delivered the letter to you is one of our friends, Kazuki-kun, from our first visit. He'll answer any questions you have about this world._

_Your father does not want me to tell you, but I believe that you are now old enough to understand. We've included two photos with this letter, one of all of our friends together, and one of a boy. His name is Hidan, he's 10 years old, and he's Kazuki-kun's cousin. The last time we were here, we managed to arrange a marriage between you and Hidan-kun for when you turn 20. Of course, you can now choose to accept or decline, and if you choose to accept, you can decline any time before you get married. We would like a reply by evening._

_If you have any questions, ask Kazuki-kun. We love you and miss you!_

_With lots of love,_

_Mom and Dad_

_P.S. Make sure you call Kazuki "Kazuki-san." It's the respectful way to call someone older than you in the Japanese way._

I just stare in shock at the letter. Then I grab my fork and start eating my yummy pineapple, noticing that Kazuki-san must really love pineapple from the absence of a lot of pineapple.

_Hmmmmm._

I take the picture of Hidan-san and study it. He's quite cute, and his eyes are purple, but they hold some sort of strange quality to them. But I think he looks rather adorable. I then look at Kazuki-san.

_Hmmm, similarities, similarities._

Kazuki-san just stares straight back. The eyes are the same shape, the mouth is the same shape. Yup there are similarities.

I lean back and smile. "Well, Kazuki-san, looks like you're going to be my cousin-in-law?"

He chokes on his pineapple, surprising me. I stand up to stand behind him and start hitting his back. After much coughing and spluttering, he turns his head to look at me.

"You're seriously accepting it?"

I walk back over to in front of him and sit down.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Jo-san, I really must insist that it is in your best interests to not marry my cousin."

"Why not?"

"I'm just saying, don't."

"But why?"

"Because I say so."

_Wow, such a mature answer._

I just glare at him and grab the container of pineapple, determined to finish the rest myself.

"Kazuki-san, you have tell me WHY I cannot marry Hidan. You are not my parent. You are only his cousin. What gives you the authority to tell me what do to."

He sighs. "Jo-san, I'm just saying, don't. Please. You'll get hurt."

_Hmph. So he still refuses to tell me. Whatever._

I jump off my bed and grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil, write down my answer. Then I fold it up and give it to Kazuki.

"You are going to deliver this to my parents, without looking inside, and without any delay. If the response in some way is not delivered on time, I will have you castrated." I give him my most furious glare. "And yes, I do know what castration is."

He pales.

I sigh again. I threaten people too much. I drag Kazuki off the bed and pull him into the kitchen. I look in my fridge and find another container of pineapple. I give it to him, along with a plastic fork, and say, "Here, Kazuki-san. Thanks for delivering the letter. I hope you get back home safely."

He takes the fruit and the fork. "Um, thank you, Jo-san. I will carry your message back." He sighs and rubs his head. "Maybe you will be a good match for Hidan-kun." He walks back to the doorway, puts his shoes on and lets himself out. He turns back and waves at me.

"Come back soon, Kazuki-san!"

He just sticks his hand up in a wave.

And with a swirl of light, he's gone.

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**A/N: Yes, Jo is 6 years old in this chapter.**

**Thank you to my readers. I will most likely be very, uh, irregular about adding chapters, so please bear with me. Please review, and thank you oh so very much!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't know if it was from lack of sleep, but I was laughing hysterically as I was writing this. If you don't find it funny, tell me, please. Then I can just blame my creepy laughter on sleep deprivation.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden.**

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_From last time in the present time in Jo's view:_

_. . ._

_After an awkward silence, I just sigh._

_"Why are we even talking about this?" I smile brightly and stick my hand out to shake. "Hello sunshine, I'm Jo. You must be Hidan. Nice to finally meet you. I'm your fiancée."_

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**Chapter 3 - Pineapples**

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Hidan's POV

_Fiancée? Since when do I have a fucking fiancée? This cannot be fucking happening!_

"You're a fucking lying bitch."

_Besides, the bitch's smile is fucking creepy._

"Hidan-san, I am not lying to you."

_Is this one of the Uchiha bastard's genjutsu? If this is, I'm going to fucking kill him when I get out of this. Arghh, I have a headache._

I groan and clutch my head.

"Are you okay?" I look up at the concerned tone in the bitch's voice and see a smirk on her face.

"Sadisitic bitch." I mumble under my breath.

The smirk doesn't disappear.

_I'm gonna fucking kill her._

I glare at her, pouring out my killing intent at her, but she doesn't even blink. What the fuck?

"So, bitch, who the hell are you?"

"Jo."

"Jo, huh? Well, bitch, where the fuck am I?"

"In my room."

"And why the fuck am I in your room?"

"No idea. I wake up, and my roommate finds you sleeping on the floor."

She stares at me for a while, probably thinking. She then looks at me with that creepy-ass smile and asks, "Hidan-san, please promise me that you'll just sit there while I try to figure this out, okay?"

"Now why the fuck would I-"

"Hidan, just DO IT."

_That's a fucking creepy smile._

_". . ."_

_". . ."_

_And I thought I was creepy._

"Sure, bitch, whatever."

Then, she stands up and walks over to sit on her bed and picks up a strange black device. She fiddles with it and then seems to wait. I hear some sort of sound coming from the device.

"World Incorporated, Boston Branch. This is Lilith, how may I help you?" Some weird bitch's voice comes out of the device.

"Lilith, this is Jo. Can you connect me to Nii-chan? It's urgent." This girl is using some nice flowery-shit tone.

"Of course. Hold on a moment, please."

". . ."

"World Inc-"

"Nii-chan. How's it going?" I can practically see the fucking flowers sprouting up around her. Is she related to Zetsu or something?

"What? Wait, Jo, what do you want? I'm really busy at the moment." Ha, the guy sounds flustered.

"And why are you busy at the moment?" The fucking flowers just turned fucking bloody red and now have creepy-ass smiles, too.

"Uh, well, that is . . ."

"It doesn't have anything to do with a transport gone wrong, does it?" Holy shit! The fucking flowers have fucking teeth and thorns!

"Uh, well, yeah, but-"

"And the transport wouldn't happen to have been Hidan, would it?" The mouths are openings and the teeth are growing . . . wait, why mention me?

"Huh? Wait. How did you know that, Jo?"

"Because Hidan is fucking sitting right in front of me at this moment!" I think I see blood dripping from the flowers' teeth.

" . . . oh."

"You better get your ass over here and fucking explain, pronto!"

She pokes the black device and then it goes silent in the room. I blink and the fucking flowers disappear.

_Were there fucking bloody body parts in those flowers?_

If I'm not in Uchiha-bastard's fucking genjutsu, then I have no fucking idea what the fuck else could be happening.

She sighs, then turns her attention back to me.

"Do you wanna sit up here with me while we're waiting for that idiot, Hidan-san?"

"Uh, sure." I figure I might as well listen to whatever she fucking says because this may actually turn out to be fucking amusing. I wonder if she'll kill her brother?

I stand up, grabbing the panda-thing from the floor, and sit on the bed next to her. The panda is actually pretty cool. And fucking comfortable.

She just closes her eyes, rests her arms on her knees, and leans back against the wall, head tilted toward the ceiling. I take this time just to study her.

She has short black hair, and she's wearing earrings that look suspiciously like Jashin-sama's symbol, a black camisole, and black shorts. She has a fucking nice figure, I can tell that much, and she has some muscle on her. I'm contemplating whether I ought to make her a sacrifice to Jashin-sama, with the way she's fucking treated me and all, when there's a knock at the door.

"Just let yourself in."

The door opens, and in walks some guy wearing shades. Man, does this guy love his fucking black clothes. I mean, he's wearing a black suit, tie, jacket, pants, socks, everything. Heh. He meekly closes the door, and then the bitch speaks again.

"Quit pretending to be my nii-san, and change back already, Kazuki."

_Kazuki, Kazuki, that sounds fucking familiar, where have I heard the name before?_

The guy releases some jutsu, and in front of me stands a guy with bright crimson hair and blue eyes. Oh.

"Fuck, its cousin Kazuki."

"Nice to see you again too, brat."

"Oh, shut it, you two. Now, Kazuki, you better explain why Hidan is in my room."

"Well, Jo-san, it's because we had some technical issues on the other side."

"By technical issues, you mean . . . "

"Yes, I mean tracking down all of his body parts and putting them back together again."

_What the fuck?_

"And?"

"And our transporters on the other side didn't have enough time nor energy to send him to the correct location, so he ended up being transported to you."

"To me? Why?"

"Because you're the one with the strongest non-negative feelings toward him."

". . ."

"Wait the fuck up! What the fuck are you two talking about?"

Both turn to look at me with strange expressions.

"You don't remember what happened to you?" That's the girl.

"What do you fucking mean? Of course I fucking remember. I was fucking blown into fucking pieces by that fucking pineapple."

The girl snorts at that.

"Ha, a fucking pineapple? Hehehe. Hahahahahahaha." She just starts laughing.

"Crazy bitch."

"Fucking pineapple. Hahaha. Hear that Kazuki? A pineapple. Hahahahaha."

_That is one crazy bitch._

I take a look at Kazuki and find him fucking blushing. _What the fuck?_

"Hahahaha, Jashin help me, this is so fucking funny. Hahahaha."

"Yo, bitch, what the hell is so fucking funny about a pineapple?"

"Hahahaha, sorry, haha, I'll tell you, haaaaaah." She takes several deep breaths.

_Sheesh, hyperventilate much?_

"Okay. Tell me, Hidan, have you ever eaten a pineapple?"

"Fuck no. They don't exist. They're just some fucking pictures and stuff."

"Of course they exist. Just not in your world."

"What?"

"They exist over here."

"So what?"

"The first time Kazuki came to this world to give me a letter, I gave him some pineapple to eat. And he ate, like, haha, all of it. Hahahaha. I even had to give him some to take home. HAHAHAHA. And now, he never goes a day without it. HAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, well it's yummy." Kazuki is fucking blushing and mumbling. I'm scared of this fucking weak Kazuki.

"Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Kazuki?!" I yell at this fucking imposter and shake his shoulders.

"Oi, shut it brat." All of a sudden, I find myself with a kunai at my throat.

I hold up my open hands.

"Yo, Kazuki, fucking calm down. I thought you wanted to know what I remembered."

"Kazuki, calm down. Let him finish talking." The girl looks at me, then him, then snorts again.

"So fucking immature. Anyway, I was in that fucking pit forever, so I took a fucking nap and found myself here. So someone fucking tell me why I'm here!"

"Well, it's kind of a long story. Why don't you sit, and I'll explain to both of you what this whole transfer thing is and what exactly went wrong."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm must apologize for this chapter in advance.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden.**

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_From last time from Hidan's POV_

_"Well, it's kind of a long story. Why don't you sit, and I'll explain to both of you what this whole transfer thing is and what exactly went wrong." (Kazuki)_

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**Chapter 4 - What Went Wrong**

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**Back to a few days ago . . .**

3rd Person POV

"So . . . you're asking me to order the Nara clan to assist you in collecting an S-ranked criminal's body parts to put him back together so he can get married?"

Tsunade had never heard of a more outrageous request. She glares at the jounin-level man dressed in black business attire in front of her.

"Yes, I'm very sorry to ask this of you, Lady Tsunade, but my family swore upon our clan's name that Hidan would marry the girl when she became 20 years old. The girl's birthday is in a few months, and we would like to transport him to her world in one piece this week. We know that his, um, body is currently within the Nara clan's lands."

"And you're sure that this girl is completely willing to marry your cousin? You're not going to ruin the lives of people in the other world, are you?"

"Jo is completely willing and has been, in fact, looking forward to meeting Hidan."

_Yeah, completely willing to pummel him. I'd be more concerned for Hidan than for the occupants of her world at the moment._

"Is there any risk of him getting loose before you send him to the other world?"

"No. We have made sure of all preparations and can send him within 24 hours of recovering his complete body."

"Will the couple live in this world or the other world?"

"Well, we would like for them to stay in Jo's world, though if Jo develops the same powers as her parents, she may be able to travel here on her own. However, we can put barriers to prevent Hidan from entering this world." He takes out his briefcase. "Before you ask any more questions, I have some documents that explain the full extent of our conditions." He takes some documents out and hands them to Tsunade.

"More paperwork, huh?" Tsunade smiles wryly. "You're a born and bred businessman, aren't you Kazuki?"

Kazuki grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his head. "Yeah, well, taking up the business vocation in Jo's world kinda led to this."

"People like you are the bane of my existence. All paperwork and legal terms."

"At least you didn't have to deal with the paperwork and complaints surrounding Naruto's pranks when he was younger."

"And you did?"

"Yes, unfortunately. The Sandaime employed me for my, uh, talents in paperwork until they found that I was a traveler."

_That explains a lot._

Tsunade looks over the documents. Not finding any faults with the conditions, she signs the document and tosses it at Kazuki.

"Kage, send for Shikaku and Shikamaru immediately."

The ANBU disappears, and Tsunade forces herself to get back to the rest of her paperwork. After several minutes of glaring at the papers and trying to ignore giggling noises coming from her guest, she throws her hands up and transfers her glare to Kazuki.

"Why are you giggling like a little girl?"

"Men do not giggle. They chortle." He huffs indignantly.

"And you apparently do not count yourself among the ranks of us men, judging by your statement." The two Nara men walk into the office, and Shikaku continues his train of thought, "And may I ask why we have been urgently called, Hokage-sama?"

Ignoring Kazuki's reddening face, Tsunade addresses Shikaku and his son. "I have called you for a top-secret S-ranked mission. Will you accept it?"

"How troublesome," both men reply simultaneously. Seeing Tsunade's glare, the hurriedly answer "Yes, we accept."

"Good, you are to assist Kazuki and his, uh, subordinates in retrieving all parts of the criminal Hidan's body from your lands. How you go about it is up to you. However, word of this is to never reach ANYONE. It would create too much havoc in Konoha. Am I clear?"

After Tsunade's description of the mission, the tension in the room increases. Shikamaru wonders whether his teacher's murderer should really be put back together and his own hard work undone. However, his father squeezes his shoulder, and they both reply, "Yes, Hokage-sama."

Giving no indication that he had noticed the tension, Kazuki jumps up from his seat with a smile at the two men, and leading the way out of Tsunade's office, he quips, "Has anyone ever told you that your hair resembles a pineapple?"

-Some Time Later (after the retrieval and piecing together of Hidan's body)-

"Transport Team A, ready."

"Transport Team B, ready."

"Transport Team C, rea-"

BOOOOOOM!

A loud explosion startles the 6 people crouched around a giant circle drawn around the unconscious body of Hidan.

BOOOOOOOM!

"Crap, we need to do this quickly. We have no idea how quickly Hidan's going to wake up with all this noise."

"AAAAKAAATSUUUUKIIII!"

The disheveled figure of a woman approaches the circle.

"DAMN YOU, BASTARD! YOU KILLED ASUMA!"

Yuhi Kurenai runs toward the edge of the circle, only to be stopped by members of the transport team.

"You can't enter the circle, ma'am."

"Let me go you idiots! Why is that bastard still alive?"

She starts fighting the team in a rage, wanting to physically damage anything within her range, using only taijutsu and kunai with explosive tags.

After several minutes, it is clear that the enraged woman has the advantage, and the transport team begin to worry about the fate of the unconscious Hidan. Thankfully, a group of shinobi appear to restrain the woman.

"Yuhi-san, you must stop this. You cannot be fighting in your condition."

"I have to get rid of that bastard once and for all!"

"Yuhi-san, please stop."

"No, I won't! I can't! I can't let my child grow up in a world with people like him!"

"Transporters, please hurry. We'll try to hold her off for as long as we can."

The transporters, now weary, hurry to their positions and begin the transport sequence.

"Transport destination code: 02201."

"Hey, you guys forgot this." An unknown voice calls out, and Hidan's triple-bladed scythe gleams red as it enters the circle as a bright light erupts.

When the light dims, the circle, the body, and the scythe are gone, leaving the transporters to wonder:

_What the hell just happened?_

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**Please review and tell me if this story is going horribly awry. I promise that the next chapter will have more Jo-Hidan interaction, and hopefully it will not be as dry as this chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry that it has taken such a long time for this chapter update, though I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.**

**Just a short recap of my important OCs: Jo is the protagonist, a female college student who is engaged to Hidan, and Kazuki is Hidan's cousin, who can travel through space/worlds, and also acts as Jo's older brother.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden.**

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_From last time (from a 3rd person POV):_

_"Transport destination code: 02201."_

_"Hey, you guys forgot this." An unknown voice calls out, and Hidan's triple-bladed scythe gleams red as it enters the circle as a bright light erupts._

_When the light dims, the circle, the body, and the scythe are gone, leaving the transporters to wonder:_

_What the hell just happened?_

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**Chapter 5 - Peaches**

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**Jo's POV - Back in present time**

"Kazuki, really? Your people seriously didn't put up barriers around the transportation circle?" I was shout-whispering at the red-head, trying to not wake the now-sleeping Hidan. Whatever answer Kazuki had for me, I didn't hear it as I was too captivated by the eye-candy next to me.

My gorgeous silver-haired fiancé had fallen asleep during Kazuki's incredibly boring explanation of the events that had transpired. He was currently cuddled up with my panda pillow pet, hair slightly messed up and a peaceful expression on his face.

_So adorable!_

I take the time to take several pictures of the wonderful scene in front of me. Then, I turn back to the annoying cousin.

"Why is Hidan so, uh, sleepy? I thought that he'd be more belligerent and prone to taking his confusion out on us in some violently gory manner."

_Though, if he had tried, I'd have kicked him in the crotch._

"Well, I believe it has something to do with his body recovering from being pieced together and from the messed-up transportation. The brat's body is now recuperating."

"Hmm, I have no complaints. He's in one piece, without scars on his body, and he's almost as docile as a . . . baby panda." I look over at the sleeping man before turning to Kazuki again. "So, Kazuki, what are we gonna do now?"

"Well, I was thinking, the brat-" Kazuki points at Hidan "could probably stay in my apartment so he can adjust to this world. As for what happens after that, we'll have to figure that out later."

I take deep breath to process everything, closing my eyes.

_I am now as calm as a . . ._

**_I love peaches._**

_What?_ My eyes snap open.

**_Hidan is a peach._**

_Huh? Who in the world is talking?_

I look around and then notice my clock sitting on my windowsill.

_Crap, it's almost time for class._

"Well, you wait in the common area while Hidan sleeps. Actually, better idea, you can go to my classes for me. Transform into me and go!" I shove Kazuki out the door, closing it with, "And make sure to take notes!"

I turn back to the sleeping Akatsuki, who is just too hot and too cute for me not to look at. I somehow tear my eyes away from Hidan to look at the scythe sitting on top of my bookcase. I grab it and pull it off, accidently cutting my hand, surprised by the weight. I lick the blood that is now oozing out of my hand. The metallic taste of my blood annoys me, and I look around for something to stop the bleeding. Lucky Hidan, he doesn't bleed once he's in Jashinist mode. To get the taste of blood out of my mouth, I look in the fridge and grab a random fruit to eat. My random fruit turns out to be a peach.

_Oh yeah, that reminds me. . . Yo, mysterious voice in my head, why are you calling my beloved a peach? He isn't your peach! He's mine!_

I don't get a reply for so long that I think that I must have been crazy for imagining a voice.

**_You're not crazy._**

_Oh, really?_ I add as much mental sarcasm as possible.

**_Really. You're not crazy. If you can hear me, that is._**

_Okay, voice, who are you?_

**_I'm Sani!_** The voice is extremely enthusiastic.

_Okay, Sani, what are you doing in my head?_

**_Um, well, I'm not in your head. I guess you can hear me after I cut you and master didn't drink your blood._**

_Wait, you cut me? So you're Hidan's triple-bladed scythe?_ I look at the scythe in my hand, incredulous. _You're sentient?_

**_Yes._**

_So, are you a sentient scythe or something that just looks like a scythe?_

**_Oh, I'm a sentient scythe, but I can have a humanoid appearance._**

_Ooooh, can I see?_ I really want to know what a humanoid scythe looks like.

All of a sudden, the scythe disappears and a small figure is hovering in the air in front of me. It bows before it waves at me.

**_See? I have a humanoid appearance._** From what I can tell, the figure is about six inches tall, and softly glowing, almost like some purple chakra is surrounding the little thing.

_. . . So are you a boy or a girl?_ I hold out my hand to Sani.

_**Well, I can change if I want, but I'm usually a boy.**_ Sani lands on my palm, and I can see that he looks like a mini-Hidan, although with some stylistic differences. He has silver hair, but it is more spiky and everywhere, and his eyes are bright red. And he's just dressed in black pants and a red vest.

_Oh. Have you ever talked to Hidan?_

**_No._**

_Why not?_

**_He's not a girl._**

_. . . WTF? This is way more complicated than I thought it would be. So, you can only communicate with girls whom you have cut and if Hidan doesn't drink their blood. That seems a bit . . . off?_

**_Hey don't blame me, I'm only following Jashin's command._**

_Oh, so Lord Jashin sends little androgynous pixies disguised as his disciples' weapons to bother any girl his disciples don't kill? Well, any girls they injure but have no intention of killing? Really?_ I sigh really loudly. _How long can you stay like that?_

**_Forever._**

_Can he see you when you're like that?_

**_Probably._**

_Okay, then can I ask you to stay like that, in that form? I'd rather not have him killing everyone in Boston, or in the world for that matter. I'm sure he'd have a field day if he had his scythe in hand and a bunch of heathens around him for him to sacrifice. Well, Sani, I don't know if you know yet, but I'm Jo. Pleased to meet you. Feel free to look around the room._ Saying that all in my head to my new friend Sani, I get back on the bed, carefully climbing over Hidan's sleeping form to open the window. It's too warm in the room for me, especially with the overworking heaters. I just sit on the bed for the rest of the afternoon, reading various fanfic on my phone.

* * *

"Kazuki, welcome back! Can we possibly go to your apartment now?" I am sitting on my bed, having already packed my backpack with my various sleep-over necessities, and it's sitting on the floor right next to my bed. Sani is now sleeping in the pocket of my hoodie.

"Oh, um, sure." He just walks over to my bed.

"Cool. You're transporting us, right? I think Hidan would draw a too much attention." I push myself off the bed, lifting the backpack and slinging it over my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, I've got it all ready. The brat's still sleeping, huh?" He takes out tags with writing on them, sticking one on Hidan's sleeping form and one on me. Then he does the transport jutsu, and we're in a nice, spacious apartment. And when I talk about nice and spacious, I mean like a giant apartment. It's basically a suite. The whole top floor of a building. A penthouse.

Hidan wakes with a thump, having fallen from a position in the air to the ground. Kazuki, at this point, has quickly retreated into his bedroom to change clothes.

"What the fuck?" He sits up, still clutching my poor panda pillow pet.

"Rise and shine, Hidan!" I grin cheekily at his scowl. "Well, actually, its more like 'rise and dine' since it's almost dinner time, but who cares? Do you want to shower while Kazuki makes dinner? Oh, who cares about your opinion at the moment, you should definitely take one."

"Where the fuck am I?" He chucks the panda at me.

I just catch it and walk over to a cabinet, grabbing a few towels. "We're in Kazuki's apartment." Then, I walk back to Hidan, who is now standing, and push him towards the bathroom, shoving the towels in his hands. "The bathroom's over here and here are some towels. The bottles with the clear stuff are shampoo and the ones with the opaque stuff are conditioner. The bottles with the pumps are the body washes."

Surprisingly, Hidan lets me push him the whole way, and he takes the time to look around the bathroom. This is the smallest of the bathrooms in the apartment, resembling a hotel bathroom, stocked, like all the other ones, with most bathroom necessities."Huh, so the black ones are fucking Kazuki's? Don't tell me that the fucker actually has a bitch, and a prissy one at that, judging by the girly looking bottles." He points at the offending bottles, which are orange and yellow-themed.

"No, those are mine. I stay over a lot, considering how this apartment is a lot nicer than my dorm. And I'll bring you some clothes you can wear." I completely ignore his derogatory comments, now actually in a good mood from not having to go to classes all day. I smirk at him, wondering what he's going to end up smelling like, since Kazuki has a thing for cherry-scented bath products, and mine are all orange-mango-peach scented. This bathroom has specifically peach-scented products. "Have a nice shower." I do a little finger wave, then close the door.

Now to go pick some clothes for Hidan . . .

* * *

**Please read and review! Thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here I am, once again apologizing for taking forever to write a chapter. I had some really bad writer's block. Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuden, meaning that I do not own Hidan.**

* * *

_From last time:_

_Surprisingly, Hidan lets me push him the whole way, and he takes the time to look around the bathroom. This is the smallest of the bathrooms in the apartment, resembling a hotel bathroom, stocked, like all the other ones, with most bathroom necessities."Huh, so the black ones are fucking Kazuki's? Don't tell me that the fucker actually has a bitch, and a prissy one at that, judging by the girly looking bottles." He points at the offending bottles, which are orange and yellow-themed._

_"No, those are mine. I stay over a lot, considering how this apartment is a lot nicer than my dorm. And I'll bring you some clothes you can wear." I completely ignore his derogatory comments, now actually in a good mood from not having to go to classes all day. I smirk at him, wondering what he's going to end up smelling like, since Kazuki has a thing for cherry-scented bath products, and mine are all orange-mango-peach scented. This bathroom has specifically peach-scented products. "Have a nice shower." I do a little finger wave, then close the door._

_Now to go pick some clothes for Hidan . . ._

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Decisions, Decisions**

* * *

**Jo's POV**

I barge into Kazuki's bedroom, where I find him sitting on his king-sized bed (black) wearing a T-shirt (black) and jeans (black), and scribbling in his notebook (also black).

"Yo, Kazuki, you've got any clothes that fit Hidan?" I fling myself on his bed, remembering to land on my back at the last second (so I don't squish my little pixie friend in my pocket), and bounce a couple times.

"No."

"Liar." I stick my tongue out at him.

"I'm not lying."

"You just don't want your cousin to wear your clothes. Are you married to the clothes you wear or something?" I roll off his bed, curling my toes in the soft carpet (thankfully, not black).

"What? No."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot about the pineapples." I turn toward his bedroom door, calling out in the general direction of the kitchen, "Hey, pineapples, I'm truly sorry that I implied that your wife was cheating on you."

"Oh, shut up."

"So, you got boxers somewhere or something?" I'm in his huge closet (it takes up about three entire rooms) looking at his assortment of clothes. About three-quarters of all his clothes are black, while the rest are clothes that I've given him for his birthday, for Christmas, for Halloween, and for whenever I felt like dressing him up. I don't understand why he just won't wear something other than his black business clothes everywhere.

Actually, it's not a matter of me understanding, it's a matter of me not having been in his situation. Funny story, the few times that I've gotten him to wear some "trendy" non-black clothes in public and ditch the sunglasses, he was swarmed, and not just by girls. No, he had flocks of girls, guys, and scouts constantly coming up to him, trying to flirt with him or recruit him. Because of that, whenever someone tries to set him up on a date, he wears black and never takes the sunglasses off, so he's still single, poor guy.

"Yeah, they should be in a drawer. I'm going to go start making dinner now." I hear him leave the bedroom, and I take Sani out of my hoodie pocket.

_Hey, Sani. Sorry for keeping you in there for so long._

**_It's okay. I'm fine._**

He stands up on my hand and stretches.

_You can take a ride on my shoulder or explore or whatever it is you do. Kazuki shouldn't be able to see you, right?_

**_Mm-hmm._**

He jumps off my hand and hovers a bit before floating off.

_But if he does, I doubt he'll freak out too much. Now, let's see what I can pick for Hidan out of Kazuki's clothes._

Hidan is shorter than Kazuki but more muscular, so I decide to stick him in a pair of light gray sweats and a maroon v-neck, since Kazuki's clothes are mostly form-fitting. I'm obviously going to have to take Hidan shopping later, since Kazuki's always been a bit stingy when it comes to sharing his clothes with someone. I once tried to donate the clothes he never wore to the Salvation Army, but he refused to let me, throwing a huge fit for an adult. _Stupid stingy pineapple._

* * *

**Hidan's POV**

_What the fuck?_

I yawn, facing the mirror in the bathroom.

_Mother and Father never said a word about some arranged marriage shit. Well, they might have said something about it when I was a kid, but that was years ago. Besides, that bitch is crazy._

I undress, leaving my clothes on the floor, and step into the shower. I hit the wall with my fist, but surprisingly, I don't make a hole in it.

_Fuck, I'm getting stressed. I need to make a sacrifice soon._

I turn the hot water on, closing my eyes, and letting the water wash over me. After a few minutes, I look at the bottles in the shower.

_Which fucking bottles should I use? I don't want to use that bastard's or the girl's._

Picking up a black one and opening the cap, I smell it.

_Cherries. Girly._

Then I pick up an orange-yellow bottle, and smell that one.

_Hmmmm, doesn't smell too girly. Not bad. I think I'd rather smell like this than smell like the bastard._

I start to shampoo my hair using the bitch's shampoo, trying to get as much of the blood and old gel shit out of my hair. As I'm rinsing out the shampoo, someone knocks on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Hidan? I've brought you a change of clothes. I'm coming in."

"Yeah, whatever, bitch."

The door opens, and I hear her moving around. "Don't call me bitch, Hidan. I don't think I've done anything to you to warrant that."

"You a bitch, so I can call you one. What else would I call you?"

"You could call me by my name, and my name is Jo." Surprisingly, I don't even hear or sense any anger from her.

"So, why are you with that bastard? You sleeping with him?"

"I'm not 'with' Kazuki, and I'm definitely not sleeping with him. He's basically my third parent."

"Why? Your parents croak or something?"

"No, they're just rarely home." I hear her leave laughing.

_Crazy bitch._

Shrugging, I continue my shower.

* * *

**Jo's POV**

"I'm done setting the table, Kazuki. Do you need any help with anything else?"

"No. I'm good, thanks."

Just then, the bathroom door opens, and out walks Hidan in all his smexiness. His hair isn't slicked back, instead hanging in various directions.

_His hair is actually quite long for a guy. I wonder if it's soft._

He notices me staring at him. "What the fuck are you looking at?"

"You," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Like what you see?"

"Of course." I smirk and start laughing, thinking about all the clothes and outfits that I'm going to have him try. He gives me a look that tells me that he thinks I'm crazy. Looking around, he spots Kazuki in the kitchen.

"Oooh, the bastard's a proper bitch now, cooking and working in the kitchen."

Kazuki, being the intelligent person he is, ignores him.

"Hidan, just shut up and sit down if you aren't going to help with dinner," I tell him, wondering if he'll actually sit.

"Make me."

_I should have known better._

I just shake my head, carrying dishes to the table.

"Yeah, that's right, bitch!"

_Why'd I have to pick a losing battle?_

* * *

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan, who until presently was calmly eating (with loud-mouthed remarks about how the food could be poisoned), scrambles back in his chair with a look of horror, raising a finger at the slightly glowing figure appearing from the darkness of the hallway.

Sani just smiles and waves from his landing spot, right next to my water cup, "Hello, Hidan!"

"And how the fuck does it know my name?"

"Sani! You can talk? I thought you only speak telepathically."

"Of course I can talk." Sani then plops down to sit, pouting. "I'm hungry."

"Can someone please explain to me why you two are conversing with some voice?" Kazuki looks at the two of us, bewildered.

I look at him with the same expression, "You can hear him?"

"Yes, I can, if by 'him' you mean the mysterious third voice I hear."

As if to reassure Kazuki of his existence, Sani asks, "Can I have a peach?"

"Uhhh . . ." Kazuki looks at me for help.

"Kazuki, you have peaches in the fridge?" I start getting up out of my chair.

"Umm, maybe?" I walk to the kitchen in search of a peach for my little buddy.

"You, brat, what are you?" Hidan seems to have regained his composure.

"I'm-"

"Sani is a pixie that can apparently only be seen by you and me, yet heard by others. Here's your peach, Sani," I say, walking back to the table. I place the peach on a plate for Sani.

"Thanks! Nom nom on my peach!" Sani enthusiastically starts eating the peach, miraculously not making a mess eating it.

"What the fuck?"

"Enough of the profanity, Hidan," I say, tired at the apparent lack of Hidan's vocabulary. I just resume eating.

"Huh? I'm not the only one who uses profanity, bitch!"

"Yeah, well, you're the only one who uses it regularly."

"So, bitch, what are you going to fucking do about it?"

"Swear jar."

"Jo, about the pixie thing-" Kazuki starts.

"Oh, don't worry about Sani, I'll take care of him," I reassure him, waving my spoon-holding hand at him.

"Well, where is he from?"

"The Naruto world. Hitched a ride with Hidan or something."

"What the fuck is a swear jar?"

"You've never heard of it? I'm surprised Kakuzu never thought of it for the Akatsuki." Hidan gives me an incredulous look at the mention of his partner and organization. "Yes, I know about the Akatsuki. Anyway, every time someone says a cuss word, they have to put in a quarter."

"What the fuck is a quarter?"

"It's a coin, one of our forms of currency. I'll show you later, just let me finish eating. Oh, and you and I are going to go shopping after this." I give a high-pitched giggle as I go back to eating, not noticing Hidan and Kazuki's shivers.

* * *

**So. End of chapter 6, and first chapter of 2014.**


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